kodak moment

Day 17 - A picture you like of yourself and why

(much more light-hearted than yesterday....thanks for the emails and comments...they made me glad I hit "publish.")

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This picture was taken almost 3 years ago on our honeymoon in Turks and Caicos.

I vividly remember the day this picture was taken. Clint and I strapped on our snorkel packs and walked hand-in-hand down the beach about a mile to this area that was known for remarkable snorkeling. We spent all morning floating at the surface of the crystal clear water gazing at fish and coral of every imaginable size and color.

After snorkeling, we walked right up the sand to this little restaurant called Somewhere that was known for its fresh, homemade salsa and from-scratch margaritas. Both lived up to their hype. I remember we killed several hours sitting and sipping drinks at that table without a care in the world.

I love this picture because it is truly me in my natural element. As much as I love cute outfits and shopping, I'd be lying if I said that I don't usually live in running clothes and a hat with very little make-up and my hair a little wavy with dried sweat...ew gross, I know. This is pretty much Clint's favorite look for me as well.

This picture brings back such a sweet memory. I think I'll always treasure it.

"lot in life"

Day 16 of The Challenge - Something difficult about your "lot in life" and how you're working to overcome it.

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Today's topic couldn't have come at a more appropriate time. Overall, life has dealt me a pretty sweet deck of cards. I'm healthy, happily married, have a family I actually enjoy spending time with, and more really good friends than I deserve. Things have always come pretty easy for me, and don't think I take it for granted. I don't. I am abundantly gracious for all of the good in my life.

With that said, about 18 months ago, I hit a road block on "easy street."

I've talked a little about our journey with infertility, but haven't really shared all of the ins and outs of it. It's just been too personal at times. Then again, there are so many other girls and bloggers especially, who have walked this same road, so I figure my story might give them comfort. I know that reading other peoples' stories have often made me feel less alone in this process.

Infertility...it's such an ugly word....it even sounds ugly. But that's my "something difficult," and it's a pretty big something. It's not even something you really overcome because sometimes, you can't. It's a facet of life, that if you're experiencing it, you just have to bear it and figure out how to accept it. It's caused me more emotional pain than I ever knew I was capable of handling, it's tested my marriage, and it almost truly changed my personality from a fun-loving, can't-get-enough-of-life person to a depressed, joyless, bitter person.

That's right, I said al.most.

Back in December, I decided to quit all fertility meds and take a break. It was well overdue and both Clint and I were worn out with the whole process. Doctor appointments, countless negative pregnancy tests, and expensive bills had done us in. On top of that, Clint was at a tipping point about to enter his final and busiest semester of nursing school, so something had to give. We decided to stop "trying" and just live our lives. It was hands down the best and most important decision we've made thus far in our marriage. He busted his rump the last 5 months to complete nursing school and he graduated last week...HOORAY! I signed up for and completed my 3rd and toughest half marathon at the end of April, and am feeling more like myself than I have in 2 years.

So, that brings us to today. Today, we had our very first appointment at REACh. It was amazing. I finally walked into a doctor's office where I felt like I belonged. There were other girls who looked like me, other guys who looked like Clint, and we all gave each other knowing, empathetic smiles when our eyes met in the waiting room. We met our doctor who we both absolutely loved, I had a.lot of labs run, and we're gradually working on a plan to hopefully add a little one to our family or at least provide some answers as to why my body cannot conceive. 

We're not rushing into anything, and we're very positive thinking this go-round. We're talking more as a couple about decisions and trusting God to give us guidance. We'll make each trip to Charlotte fun by going on a lunch date, doing a little Trader Joe's shopping, or something to make it not all about medical procedures. 

Am I hopeful? Of course.
Am I a little nervous? You betcha.
Do I wish it were easier? ev.e.ry day
Do I want it to work? more than anything
Will I be disappointed if it's all for nothing? probably, not gonna lie.
Am I scared about the future? Not even a little.

I have a peace of heart and mind now that I didn't have 18 months or even 6 months ago. I know that we're okay with our "lot in life." It's no longer just mine. Nothing ever is if you're married to someone who really loves you and is your friend. Clint reminds me all of the time that he married me for me and that he's very happy with our life. He tells me before any appointment that we can stop at any point, that we can adopt, or that it can just be us and our dogs. The best part...I know he truly means it. We both are so thankful that we even have each other and we know that God brought us together for a purpose and has a plan for us as a family. Where, when, and how children fit into that can only be known with time.

So, that's my "thing" and that's what I and more importantly, we, are doing about it.

a day

Day 15 - A Day in My Life

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I could definitely come up with a more exciting day than what today consisted of, but in all honesty, today is Wednesday and today's schedule is fairly reflective of most of my workdays. Don't get me wrong...it's not all that exciting, but I really like my life. I like the variety in my days, the flexibility of my job, and the many activities I fill my hours with. I'm truly grateful for each moment and most days, I go to bed with that good kind of worn out feeling and wake up with a smile.

I typically wake up around 6:30am. I'm one of those people that doesn't hit Snooze and immediately get up, make the bed, and get in the shower.

I tidy up around the house, pet my dogs, pack my lunch, and am out the door by 7:45 most mornings.

"Just leave already, will ya??...the quicker you go, the quicker you come back to us"

Drink coffee while driving to work.

I work somewhere different on any given day, but it's usually at a school or in my office. I spend a lot of time meeting with teachers, giving presentations, and creating wikis or finding resources for teachers to use in their classrooms. I spend a lot of time sitting in front of my MacBook.

I type up a lot of these each week

I work until 3ish most days and then I tutor in the afternoons at the local library.

typing spelling words into a game for a tutor student

I go run.

Today I will go to church to teach Mission Friends. On any given day, this slot might be filled with a dog walk, meeting a friend for drinks, a softball game, or errands around town.

Home for dinner.

Criminal Minds.

bed around 10/10:30pm

do it all again tomorrow.....

happy

Totally fell off the Blog Every Day in May bandwagon...what are you gonna do?? Not even going to try to backtrack, but I'll try to restart this writing engine.

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Day 14. 10 Things That Make Me Really Happy

these 3 always bring a smile

In no particular order, but let's start with 10 for fun.


10.)plans with good friends, especially old friends where I know the conversation will be quality, there will be laughter, and I leave truly feeling like myself
9.)a 4 - 5 mile run on a breezy 75 degree day
8.)a skinny shopping day...those times where every item you try on looks great and you might even need a smaller size
7.)sitting on my deck in the sun with a great book
6.)camping trips in Hot Springs, NC with Clint and our dogs
5.)a hot, cheesy pepperoni pizza and a cold beer after a day of yard work
4.)when I can spend time with my brother, his wife, and my sister, her husband, my dad, stepmom, and Clint all at the same time. We all have such a good time together and laugh so much!
3.)coming home to a clean house
2.)giving a present I know someone is going to love
1.)dates with Clint...doesn't have to be anything fancy. I just love it when we make the effort and plan to do something, especially if it's something we've never done before.

What about you? What makes you REALLY happy?

Amos

our family grew over the weekend

our furry family that is

we got a THIRD pup!

"oh no!" said my kitchen floors

I think I actually heard the mop audibly groan

his name is Amos

named after Amos Lee

who sings this song 

and is one of my favorites to listen to on warm Spring/Summer evenings

We rescued Amos on Sunday from a group out of SC

Just 15 days ago, he was scheduled to be euthanized

what a shame it would have been 

he's a 6 month old Anatolian Shepherd mix

he's sleeping great all night long

no accidents in the house

and 

little by little

our other 2 fur balls are being fairly cordial to him

We weren't in a rush to find another dog, 

but knew we would get another one after Mason passed.

We're not sure how long we'll have Mason around,

but couldn't pass up this little guy once we found out about him.

And we like the idea of Mason getting to know him and show him a trick or two.

3 dogs is a lot to handle

i'm not gonna lie

but it's pretty awesome to come home to these 3 every day

beyond blessed with wagging tails and puppy kisses

Fear

Day 7 of Blog Every Day in May coming at ya....... "the thing(s) you're most afraid of "

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For those who know me, timid, nervous, fearful are not words that many people would use to describe me. I'm fairly brazen and bold, love the thrill of real adventure, don't mind being lost, and generally live life without too much worry. In fact, I've been scolded on more than one occasion for being too unaware of my surrounding, too trusting, and not caring enough about germs. So, I don't fear many things.

I don't particularly love camel crickets or spiders, but if push comes to shove, I'll take one for the team and kill it for someone else.

So, what am I afraid of? I had to think hard about this, and realized that most of my fears lie in my insecurities or the fear of losing a human being I am closely bound to.

* fear of losing my husband, parents, or best friends: I do not worry about these things. But, if I sit too long and think about them, I come unglued. I cannot imagine life without these people...which I guess is why my mind protects me from dwelling on it too much.

* fear of hurting someone's feelings: I can be quick to speak...again, this is no secret if you know me. And usually what I say really is how I feel, but I often beat myself up over things I say for fear that I've hurt someone else. As I've said before, words are my love language, so I know how much impact they can hold.

* fear of not accomplishing dreams: Sometimes I do get a little overwhelmed thinking about things I'd like to accomplish both personally and professionally. I worry sometimes that I'll wake up 15-20 years from now and have regrets about things I didn't take advantage of or not be satisfied with myself. 


What about you? What are your fears? It's completely legit too if your fears are comprised of things like mice, heights, and such.

What I Do

Day 6 of Blog Every Day in May "If you couldn't answer with your job, how would you answer the question 'what do you do?'"

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I really like this question because as much as I do love my job, it doesn't define me. In fact, I've finally found a position that allows me to actually leave work at work and just return to it the next day.

So, what do I do other than my job?

I run...on roads, trails, sidewalks, any surface I can. I try to find at least one new running route a week...it's a fun game.

I take care of my dogs...now 3 of them (more on that in another post)

I work outside in our yard. Yard work is one of my true hobbies. I love the reward that comes from planting and watching plants grow. I also actually don't mind pulling weeds. Little tasks like that are strangely therapeutic for me.

I spend a lot of time outside in general. It's rare to find me inside of my house or any building unless it's bad weather or really cold. I hike, take the dogs for a walk, eat picnics outside (even at work), read on our deck, you name it. 

I love on others. Relationships are like gold to me. Being an extrovert, it's essential that I connect with people on a regular basis. So, that means I tend to fill a good bit of my time with people. I have a big family, several different friend groups, at least 4 people I truly consider to be best friends, and a husband who I adore spending time with.

just a little date night at the batting cage

I write. I write this blog, in my prayer journal, Thank You notes, and just random letters to friends and family. Words are my love language, so it's no wonder I often have the urge to release and share them.....even if it's just with the paper in my notebooks.

How about you? If you couldn't answer with "your job," how would you define how you spend your time?